It’s fun to have a support tribe who will give you their opinions, suggestions, and validations on what THEY think you should do. Bouncing thoughts and being a soundboard is healthy and some of the best ideas come from talking it out with someone. But how do you know when you are allowing other people to make your decisions for you? And how do you know if relying heavily on other’s input before acting has become a habit – so much so that you aren’t thinking for yourself?
What does it look like and most importantly….
What are the steps to break this habit?
Some examples of what it looks like could be the following:
- You call or text 3 or more friends to tell a story over and over again to get their input on every conflict or uncomfortable situation you encounter
- Spending an absurd amount of time analyzing decisions you have to make
- Emotionally eating when you’re stressed about making a decision
- Fault blaming someone else “Why does this happen to me?”
- Comparing your journey and where you are to others
- Procrastinating (let time pass you by)
So how do you know when you’re allowing this to happen?
You’re in a relationship and it’s not going well and instead of facing the decision to break up head on, your behavior becomes:
- Emotionally Unavailable
- Mixed-messages (Hot|Cold)
It’s easier to push buttons and make them do the break up verses speaking the truth from the heart.
A friend has the best Facebook or Instagram ever and she lives the “amazing” life and you want to be just like her, so you ask her everything from what products to use, what to wear, how to dress, and what to say word for word back to a guy you like via text. It’s great to get ideas from friends, but if you’re doing it out of insecurity… think twice.
Allowing others to dictate your time because you have no idea what to do with it. Depending on how much free time you have this may be a way to avoid spending time loving yourself and creating distractions by filling up your time and not creating space for yourself.
- You’re always available for others
- Will jump at a last minute invite often (even when you don’t FEEL like it)
- Go with the “flow” without knowing where you really want to flow (your path).
Leaning too much on the support of friends can be harmful to loving yourself. It will create the habit of not having to be accountable for your actions and when things don’t go your way, it’s an easy way to let yourself off the hook.
- He’s the one who broke up with me… what a jerk!
- I’ll just ask (INSERT NAME) he|she has all the best ideas (What about your own and trying them out?)
So what are the key steps to break this habit?
Of when you’re doing it – keep track of how often you listen to others versus your own self. Even if you decide to go with your own judgement and it doesn’t turn out the way you want it, you’ll stay connected to your truth and will gain further inner trust. It may not FEEL like it at the moment, and so and so was “right”, but making choices for yourself and taking ownership will only further internal confidence.
2. DON’T COMPARE
Yourself to others – we’re all experiencing things in our own way, space and creation. When you focus on yourself, the need to rely on others opinions on how you should run your life won’t matter. So every time the “I’m not good enough” thought or feeling comes through… immediately think or say aloud 5 things you are good at and shift.
3. CREATE SPACE
For yourself – when I tell friends I travel alone or that I go to the movies by myself or simply take myself on a date to a nice restaurant, they look at me with crazy eyes. It’s uncomfortable at first, but the joy of being in solitude only strengthens the understanding of all the wonderful gifts you’ve yet to discover about yourself 🙂
We all have to experience the joy of making choices and creating the experiences that come with them. It’s good to think aloud with your close friends and gain a different perspective, but make sure to embrace all choices that come from you and let the outcomes lead you down your own path.